TRYING TO FILL HIS EMPTINESS

1563 4D

At Martin‘s turnoff, heaps of rock and rubble lay piled across what had been the driveway. The ground seemed to shift under Andrew‘s feet. What to do next? He looked up at the sky gathering its light for the day. A hard object pressed his spine, and he heard the words, “Don’t move.” The beam gun in his hand jerked itself from his grasp.

“This used to be the corp‘s,” said a flat hard voice. “What are you doing with it? Don’t turn, just talk.”

“I’m looking for my home and family,” Andrew said. The night was fading. Deep inside his numbness, the pain of his scars wrenched him.

“Andrew?” The voice suddenly rose. “Andrew? Is it you? Turn around.” As he turned, the voice registered, and the face he saw was Martin‘s, with dark eyes like Andrew‘s own. “Your face! I thought they’d killed you!” They embraced.

“They nearly did kill me,” Andrew said. “They left me for dead, and they’ll kill me if they find me. What are you doing here? Where are Leil and the children? Did the corp resettle them or something? Did they head back to the City? The house is gone, so ArCorp must have torched it.”

Martin looked down, then took a deep breath. “Andrew, they were in the house when it—“

“What? No!” Andrew reeled and clutched his brother’s arms. “All of them?”

“We haven’t found Engel yet. He was away south at the University, but when we tried to call, they couldn’t locate him. Raul and I went looking for Leil and the two girls after the fire. It must have burned so hot. We found nothing but ashes.” Martin shivered and put his arms around Andrew. “Come on. This place isn’t safe in the light. I just sneak out here at night sometimes to look at what I had. I’ll take you where we can rest and get warm.” Martin took Andrew‘s arm and turned him away to the road.

Andrew started to shiver in spasms that moved almost uncontrollably up his arms and legs. He tried to talk. “How long since the fire?”

“It was late last year.”

The months of darkness he had endured climbed on top of Andrew, weighing down on him. “Up at my place I saw corpos carry somebody off in a van, and I thought maybe—“

“Forget it. They’ve been gone a long time. Wait, you’re limping.” Martin drew his brother’s arm over his shoulder. “Let’s get you to the cart and warm you up.” Martin helped Andrew onto the cart’s bench seat, closed the curved, tentlike cab around them, and said, “Cart.”

“Sir?” A tinny voice.

“Engrammatic.”

“Ho.”

In the cab of the plodding cart, Andrew recounted the trip up to Arlen‘s installation, the imprisonment, and the torture; and then the stay with Marra and Deen, and the wrapped-up figure and the corpos at his farm. “What were things like back here? When did you last see Leil, before—?” He waved his hand, trying to finish the question.

“It was two long months ago,” Martin said, referring to the Visitor‘s last full phase. He frowned. “She had just sent Engel off to the University. She wasn’t very happy with Raul and me. We hadn’t tried to get the militia to look for you, mostly because the militia around here always cleared their orders with Arlen‘s milcap, and we didn’t want them to know we were asking questions. She called us a couple of soft…, well, she was angry.

“So we went to the militia, and then we got muscled, and we had to sell our farms or get shot or burned out, like that family down toward Tarbruk, remember? Just like that. I never saw her again.” Martin looked away.

“But what did Leil say, I mean, when you talked to her? Anything besides names? Did she seem all right, I mean—" Andrew stopped, realizing that it didn’t matter now. The whole situation loomed in front of him like a cliff wall. No plan and no hopes. He’d have to start on the run, with nothing.

Martin looked at him. “She acted like herself, but more worried. You know, we were all worried about you.”

“I— well, we should have worried about her.” They rounded a sharp bend, and Martin‘s cart waited ahead.

“Yeah.”

Remorse filled Andrew‘s mind. Every time there’d been a confrontation, he’d taken the hardest route, butting heads with people, fighting when he should have talked, arguing when he should have kept his mouth shut. Except for Mentrius. And now Leil was gone because… he turned to Martin. “Why are you still hanging around out here?”

“I didn’t want to go back in-City. The way I saw it, I could make it as a driver. What I hadn’t figured on was competing with the andros for jobs. For them driving’s a kind of retirement, after they can’t mine any more, until their terms are up and they break down and expire. But three of them died at once and I found an opening. And I met a woman. Finally.” Martin smiled, then let it fade.

“A woman? You never wanted to stay with any woman.”

“Oh, yeah, but I did this one. Her name’s Varnell. She’s beautiful, but she’d lost a leg and didn’t want a replacement. That would have sent her back to the mines or the City, and she didn’t want either one. Then I came along, and we kind of latched onto each other.” Martin shook his head.

“You’re telling me she’s an andro?” Didn’t Martin want kids? Or a wife who could live as long as he would?

“She’s down towards Tarbruk. We’ve got a little place there in the hills, part of an andro settlement. She’s a damn good cook. When you come down my way we’ll put you up, for a bit.” Andrew swallowed his questions, and tried to let the cart’s motor-whine fill his emptiness.