Descending Road - THAT MUCH I CAN REMEMBER by Dana W. Paxson

THAT MUCH I CAN REMEMBER

1563 4D

That night, Jeddin found Marra and Deen at their place in Rumchi Zone, a deep-cut series of rooms off a yellow-lit understreet laden with vines and creeper plants.

Marra met him in the arched doorway. “We have something for you.”

He grinned.

“No, not that. At least not right now.”

“Another good meal, maybe?”

“Come in and we’ll tell you.”

He stepped inside, and Marra closed the door behind them. The front room had an arched window framed with vines that touched the understreet light with green. Deen came from the kitchen.

“I’m glad you’re here. Oortonel has been asking for you.”

“Oortonel?”

“Yes. She’s insistent on giving you something, but she won’t say what it is, except that it’s for you alone.”

Marra gestured at a well-padded seat, heavily cushioned in a light tan fabric, that ran the length of a side wall. “Here. Call us if you need us.”

Jeddin sat down, closed his eyes, and opened the innerspace door,

to a lush jungle of purple, blue and violet leaves fanning out from twisted and gnarled blue-black trunks, all around him. Above, the leaves admitted gleams of powerful orange-gold light from some color-tuned sun. Beneath his feet, tendrils of red and brown writhed and grasped; they tickled him, and he laughed. Onnhasshakh stood beside him, glowing.

A second brilliant figure came to stand with them. “Hello, Jeddin.”

“Oortonel?” The radiance made Jeddin squint.

“Yes. Allashani left a gift here for you.” Oortonel‘s light dimmed, flickered, recovered.

“Where is it?”

“The leafspanners will show you. We will wait here for you.”

Knobby, brown fist-sized creatures unreeled long sticklike limbs to reach from leaf to leaf, stem to stem, clambered around Jeddin and turned the heads of their largest knobs toward him, then away in the same direction. Following their point, he pushed aside the leaves, and salt touched his tongue with electric sourness, sparking a hunger that drove him forward.

“Here,” a knob sang to him; it squatted on the helminthic soil over a small round object. He bent and the knob retreated, reeling in its stick-limbs and settling in a compact ball, facing the object: a white, shimmering ovoid. He picked it up.

Gating words rose on Jeddin‘s tongue, unbidden as spring flowers through snow: “A way a lone a last a loved along the riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s,” and the egg kindled light and expanded, larger and larger, brightening until it turned into radiance itself, to envelop Jeddin in a pellucid globe of living gold. He stared around in amazement.

The globe, at first featureless, grew and mutated until it melted onto a cellular lattice-structure that seemed both infinitely distant and intimately close. It reminded Jeddin of the Archives. A small figure, robed in the concentrated orange-gold light of the violet jungle, stood nearby, looking at him with eyes that loved him, and called to him. “Jeddin.“

Jeddin knelt to look in the face of this being. It was a child. “Yes. I am Jeddin.”

“And you are more than Jeddin.“

“I have died and lived.” The Lady came to Jeddin‘s mind.

“Many times.“

“Why?”

“For love." Such music in the child’s word.

“What do you mean?”

“I will tell you who you are. You can only remember a few words of who you have been, so listen carefully." The little figure put its hands on Jeddin‘s shoulders, and cocked its head slightly. “Your name was Hyonarsa. You made the first andros three thousand years ago. With dismay you watched other humans learn to exploit and torment your creations. In your compassion for the andros, you wanted to protect them from a world which increasingly used them as chattel. But you knew you would die, and they would go on, and their woes would continue.

“With great courage, you infected yourself with the andro gene transformations. You became one of them, and tried to find in innerspace a way to perpetuate yourself. That brought about your first death. In dying, you discovered for yourself the final portal, and the middle-world of innerspace.

“You could have passed the portal, and go on as humans do, never to return. But the transformation viruses offered you another choice: to stay in innerspace, even as your original body rotted into dust. Neither human nor andro had this choice; the seeming accident of your gamble gave it to you. But you could not return to your old life again. You were caught.

“Then Onnhasshakh found you in the wildernesses of innerspace.

"‘What are you?’ she asked.

"‘I no longer know,’ you said, ‘but I see the andros come and go here, and vanish when they die. They are my children. I want them to be safe.’

“She answered, ‘They will never be safe. Here, they feed my kind. In your world outside, the humans abuse them.’

“You said, ‘Then I would like to go where I can protect and help them.’

“And Onnhasshakh left, and returned with Allashani. ‘Take him to the narrow world, Lady, and restore him so he can work for the andros.’ And she did.

“And each time you died, she found you and restored you. So you went to the outer, narrow world, and worked to shield the andros you had created. And so it is now, and will be, as long as you wish it." The child lifted its hands from Jeddin‘s shoulders.

He rose to his feet, elated. “My long wish came true.”

“Yes, Jeddin. You are at ease now. Your work will begin again soon, but right now you should enjoy your life as it is. You have worked hard. I will see you again. And here, you will again see Allashani.“

“That much I can remember.”

The child vanished. Oortonel was gone.

Jeddin opened his eyes to the front room of the home of Deen and Marra. He lay sprawled on the divan. What had happened? He had been in innerspace, and… Nothing came to him. He passed his hand across his forehead. The eyes. The eyes of the child; it must have been the same as the one Andrew saw.

“Onnhasshakh, tell me what happened.”

You will remember.

“Are you all right?” It was Marra.

“Yes.”

“Did you get the gift Oortonel had for you?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“I’ll remember. Right now, I don’t know.” Jeddin sat up. “I’m hungry.”

“Well. Be patient. We were going to get you a bit of food. Deen!”

“Yes?” A voice from the back of the home.

“The male is hungry.”

“So?”

Jeddin laughed. It was time to have fun. More fun.

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	THAT MUCH I CAN REMEMBER 1563 4D That night, Jeddin found Marra and Deen at their place in Rumchi Zone, a deep-cut series of rooms off a yellow-lit understreet laden with vines and creeper plants. Marra met him in the arched doorway. “We have something for you.” He grinned. “No, not that. At least not right now.” “Another good meal, maybe?” “Come in and we’ll tell you.” He stepped inside, and Marra closed the door behind them. The front room had an arched window framed with vines that touched the understreet light with green. Deen came from the kitchen. “I’m glad you’re here. Oortonel has been asking for you.” “Oortonel?” “Yes. She’s insistent on giving you something, but she won’t say what it is, except that it’s for you alone.” Marra gestured at a well-padded seat, heavily cushioned in a light tan fabric, that ran the length of a side wall. “Here. Call us if you need us.” Jeddin sat down, closed his eyes, and opened the innerspace door, to a lush jungle of purple, blue and violet leaves fanning out from twisted and gnarled blue-black trunks, all around him. Above, the leaves admitted gleams of powerful orange-gold light from some color-tuned sun. Beneath his feet, tendrils of red and brown writhed and grasped; they tickled him, and he laughed. Onnhasshakh stood beside him, glowing. A second brilliant figure came to stand with them. “Hello, Jeddin.” “Oortonel?” The radiance made Jeddin squint. “Yes. Allashani left a gift here for you.” Oortonel‘s light dimmed, flickered, recovered. “Where is it?” “The leafspanners will show you. We will wait here for you.” Knobby, brown fist-sized creatures unreeled long sticklike limbs to reach from leaf to leaf, stem to stem, clambered around Jeddin and turned the heads of their largest knobs toward him, then away in the same direction. Following their point, he pushed aside the leaves, and salt touched his tongue with electric sourness, sparking a hunger that drove him forward. “Here,” a knob sang to him; it squatted on the helminthic soil over a small round object. He bent and the knob retreated, reeling in its stick-limbs and settling in a compact ball, facing the object: a white, shimmering ovoid. He picked it up. Gating words rose on Jeddin‘s tongue, unbidden as spring flowers through snow: “A way a lone a last a loved along the riverrun, past Eve and Adam’s,” and the egg kindled light and expanded, larger and larger, brightening until it turned into radiance itself, to envelop Jeddin in a pellucid globe of living gold. He stared around in amazement. The globe, at first featureless, grew and mutated until it melted onto a cellular lattice-structure that seemed both infinitely distant and intimately close. It reminded Jeddin of the Archives. A small figure, robed in the concentrated orange-gold light of the violet jungle, stood nearby, looking at him with eyes that loved him, and called to him. “Jeddin.“ Jeddin knelt to look in the face of this being. It was a child. “Yes. I am Jeddin.” “And you are more than Jeddin.“ “I have died and lived.” The Lady came to Jeddin‘s mind. “Many times.“ “Why?” “For love." Such music in the child’s word. “What do you mean?” “I will tell you who you are. You can only remember a few words of who you have been, so listen carefully." The little figure put its hands on Jeddin‘s shoulders, and cocked its head slightly. “Your name was Hyonarsa. You made the first andros three thousand years ago. With dismay you watched other humans learn to exploit and torment your creations. In your compassion for the andros, you wanted to protect them from a world which increasingly used them as chattel. But you knew you would die, and they would go on, and their woes would continue. “With great courage, you infected yourself with the andro gene transformations. You became one of them, and tried to find in innerspace a way to perpetuate yourself. That brought about your first death. In dying, you discovered for yourself the final portal, and the middle-world of innerspace. “You could have passed the portal, and go on as humans do, never to return. But the transformation viruses offered you another choice: to stay in innerspace, even as your original body rotted into dust. Neither human nor andro had this choice; the seeming accident of your gamble gave it to you. But you could not return to your old life again. You were caught. “Then Onnhasshakh found you in the wildernesses of innerspace. "‘What are you?’ she asked. "‘I no longer know,’ you said, ‘but I see the andros come and go here, and vanish when they die. They are my children. I want them to be safe.’ “She answered, ‘They will never be safe. Here, they feed my kind. In your world outside, the humans abuse them.’ “You said, ‘Then I would like to go where I can protect and help them.’ “And Onnhasshakh left, and returned with Allashani. ‘Take him to the narrow world, Lady, and restore him so he can work for the andros.’ And she did. “And each time you died, she found you and restored you. So you went to the outer, narrow world, and worked to shield the andros you had created. And so it is now, and will be, as long as you wish it." The child lifted its hands from Jeddin‘s shoulders. He rose to his feet, elated. “My long wish came true.” “Yes, Jeddin. You are at ease now. Your work will begin again soon, but right now you should enjoy your life as it is. You have worked hard. I will see you again. And here, you will again see Allashani.“ “That much I can remember.” The child vanished. Oortonel was gone. Jeddin opened his eyes to the front room of the home of Deen and Marra. He lay sprawled on the divan. What had happened? He had been in innerspace, and… Nothing came to him. He passed his hand across his forehead. The eyes. The eyes of the child; it must have been the same as the one Andrew saw. “Onnhasshakh, tell me what happened.” You will remember. “Are you all right?” It was Marra. “Yes.” “Did you get the gift Oortonel had for you?” “Yes.” “And?” “I’ll remember. Right now, I don’t know.” Jeddin sat up. “I’m hungry.” “Well. Be patient. We were going to get you a bit of food. Deen!” “Yes?” A voice from the back of the home. “The male is hungry.” “So?” Jeddin laughed. It was time to have fun. More fun.